DisneyLand!!

We had so much fun at Disneyland! The kids thought it was the best thing ever and wanted to go on all the rides that weren't scary! I think that was our fault cause the first ride we went on was the, Pirates of the Caribean. They hated it LOL! Amber was sitting with me and was huddled up to me asking if it was over yet over and over, and Masen and Jaxen both ended up on Nic's lap almost in tears and didn't want to look at anything at all. They were definaty happy when it was over and then were scared of any ride we went on that went in to the dark at all. They were even scared to get on Mr. Toads Wild ride! so not scary but we made them go on all the rides and once we got on them they were fine and relized it wasn't scary. Amber loved that she was big enough to go on the little roller coaster in Toon Town and though that was the best ride they had! yes she was to scared to go on anything else cause of the dark but loed the roller coaster kind of backwards :) She loved that she got to meet so many princesses and get their autographs in her little autograph book. Masen was so happy when we finally went on the Dumbo ride the last day we were there and wanted to go on it over and over again. I am not really sure what Jaxen's favorite ride was cause he is little and didn't really car I am sure if he would have been awake when we went on the train he would have loved it. He did love when we saw Mickey Mouse though! He loves loves loves him and was I think in shock when we saw him. After we left teh room he was in he just kept saying " Its Mouse, its mouse" over and over again like was that really him! IT was really cute! We mostly hung out in toon town and fairytale land where most the little kid rides were. Kim Nic's little sister took the kids for a while one night and me and nic went on one ride that was a big ride we would have gone on more but lines were so long and I couldn't stand for long periods of time. All in all we had lots of fun! The kids all got first time pins they wore all over the first day and a disneyland dollar. We had our stroller but also had the backpack leashes we put on all of the kids so if they decided they were done riding we wouldn't loose them! Even though I wouldn't suggest it to anyone to go to Disney Land teh day after surgery I am glad we went and it was a very nice and fun vacation.

Rainy day in the hotel playing with their new toys.

After a long day and night at Disneyland :)

Train ride

Amber and Ariel

Amber and Masen making their silly faces

Waiting for Dad to get off the Tower of Terror

Army men from Toy Story

Amber was so excited to go on the bumper cars with Dad

Donald Duck

Cute boys!! Riding the lady bug ride while Dad and Amber were on the bumper cars

On the circus train in a cage

Just getting to Disneyland for the first time!!!

LEASHES! LOL they were lifesavers!

Pluto

The Beach

We had so much fun at the beach, the kids had so much fun! It was windy and the water was cold but that did not stop them! Amber got soaked both days we went to the beach and was freeeeeezzzzing by the time it was time to go home. I thought she learned the first time getting so cold but of course not! The second time we went to the beach it was colder and getting ready to storm but she didn't care I even threatened her if she got wet but that didn't even stop her so she ended up soaked from head to toe and Froze all the way back tot he hotel! Masen got wet the first day and decided he was good and didn't want to do that again so he made a little sand castle with his uncle CJ and fed the birds with Grandpa. He loves our sand box at home so of course he would love a HUGE sand box :) Jaxen didn't get wet either day he was cold just by getting out of the car but he loved pretending to run from the waves like the big kids and dad! We had lots of fun finding sea shells and digging holes and I had fun just sitting and doing nothing preparing my body for Disneyland:) I am posting some pictures but not all cause there are TONS!

Masen feeding the Birds

Amber all WET

Masen and CJ's sand castle right before a wave came and destroyed it!

They made chairs :)

Cuddling Cold Jaxen
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Muscles all over the rocks

Vacation....

We just got back from California and have lots of stories and pictures to share after I go through all of them and give my self some breathe for a minute. The vacation was very nice and very much needed! But then I got back home and reality hit and depression has hit bad! I thought I was doing really good til I got home and started folding clothes and realized I had to put all my maternity clothes away and my dress I ordered 2 days before I found out no heart beat again came in the mail lets just say I broke down. It also makes it hard that I have to go back to the dr for one loss and now that it is getting warm enough get a headstone and all that stuff figured out for Parker. And my due date for Parker is in a week which I am sure is adding to the fire, I was pregnant with lots of people with Parker too and they are all having their babies. I am thrilled for them but I am having a really hard time with it myself. And my Birthday sucked this year!, getting a D&C on your birthday is not an ideal situation! So there is my vent! I needed to get it out :) Now I am going to get my California pictures and post up hopefully by tomorrow so there is a little bit of happiness on our blog since lately it is all pretty depressing!

Thoughts......

So I have so many thoughts right now and I need to get them out of my head and hope that it will help me get through this trial in my life. I am going to write it here on our blog since it is kind of like a journal for me and I print it out in a book for a journal/ scrapbook time thing for my kids later in their lives and for us to read through out our lives. So here it goes it might not make lots of sense cause right now it is a huge jumbled mess in my head.
So loosing Parker in September was the hardest and worse thing I have ever and wanted to ever go through in my life, no one should bury a child. I still have such mixed emotions about loosing him and in Dec. we found out we were expecting again. I was thrilled and scared out of my mind! I have never ever been so scared in my life to have to go to the Dr. It was such a weird feeling to not be excited to go to the Dr and hear the babies heartbeat like I would with all of my other pregnancies. Then at my 12 week appointment to have all of my fears happen all over again and to re live my last appointment with Parker was a huge stab in the heart! As the Dr is telling me it is still early and sometimes hard to find a babies heart beat at 12 weeks they can still hide I knew what was going on I just did this 5 months ago I couldn't even cry I was so numb and didn't want to feel anything. So off I go to get a ultrasound and have my worse fears conformed again was horrible! Then you have all these choices of what to do and how to handle it. It was so much for me to have to deal with. Now that i have lost this baby it is so weird cause I am super sad and frustrated and so many emotions I don't even know how or what to think. Some times I just think it is all a dream and I am still pregnant then I have to remind my self I'm not. Then I think how could anyone go through this without the gospel!!?? Cause I know a million percent I couldn't do it! I am so thankful to have the knowledge that I have and For a Father in Heaven that is always there to comfort me. I can't even count the times I have knelt down and prayed with all of my heart to feel comfort and know that he has a plan for me and I am doing everything I am suppose to and that I haven't done anything wrong. An it is always amazing to me the love I feel that very instant. What would I do with out a husband that can give me priesthood blessings I don't know cause I get them A LOT! How could I not know that my babies are safe and in a good place and that they are mine and no one else's. I love the gospel the love of my family and friends during such trying times. Ok so I hope all of that makes sense cause I am not even going to proof read it cause I am hoping to clear my head a little!
On a brighter note we are going to Disneyland next week and I am so excited to get away from life and have a fun vacation and spend some time as a family cause that is defiantly what I need right now! So be waiting for a post in a couple weeks about all of out FUN!

Amber Lost her Tooth!

Amber lost her first tooth this morning! So weird to think I have a child that is old enough for that!I swear I am not old enough for that yet! She was so scared to let me pull it out, I told her it was not going to hurt cause it was barely hanging on in her mouth. She still didn't think that was a good idea. I finally talked her into it and hot some toilet paper, grabbed on too the tooth and told her I was going to count to 3. hahaha she had the look of horror on her face and I started to count got to 3 and pop it was out she looked at me and said " is it out" me "yes" her " I didn't even feel anything" me" hahaha I know I told you it wouldn't hurt". She then has been so happy about it and to think the Tooth Fairy gets to come tonight she has told me and Nic about a million times now!

Christmas ( late I know)

So I am so behind I know! I can not find my camera anywhere! It is so frustrating so I can't do my Thanksgiving post I have been wanting to do cause I don't have the pictures i want to put up. So I am going to just skip that for now and move on the Christmas.


We had a Great Christmas this year with all of our familys. The morning started out with us waking our kids up cause everyone was waiting on them so finally at 8 or so we woke them up and let them go see if santa came! And he did luckily they were good enough for him to show up this year :) So we took all our presents down stairs so we could all open presents together since Todd and Connie and their family was moving to Texas. It was lots of fun to be all together as a family and see everyones excitement when they opened their presents. Amber and Masen each got a zu zu pet that they have been begging for for so long. They both go leapsters and have so much fun playing with them, then they got a bunch of just little things. Jaxen got Micky Mouse, Mickey Mouse and more Mickey mouse :) HE loves Micky mouse and didn't want to open anything else after he saw the first thing. I got a cricket which is so much fun! And Nic got lots of playstation games ( what else)

After opening presents we all got ready for the day and headed up to my moms for breakfast and opening presents there. The kids all got blankets for grandma and grandpa ( which I personally love and use all the time :) And we got the best present ever and Visa gift card for food storage! So all in all we had a Great christmas! But ia am very greatful it is all over and we survived and so ready for spring :)

Halloween

We ahd a fun and rainy Halloween this year! We started the night out at my mom's wards Tunk or Treat which turned into Church Hallway Treating :) The kids had lots of fun haning out with Aunts and Uncles and cousins. We headed home after taht to hangout with Nic's family and when we got to Provo the rain stopped here so we took the kids out aroung the neighborhood for a little "real Trick or Treating" as Nic calls it :) then came back home and sat around and visited with family. Now if I could make all of this candy disappear so that I don't think I need to eat it I would be very happy :)

Jaxen - The Cutest Cowboy around

Masen- Spider Man ( He totally lucked out that his Daddy found him this costume at the last minute cause he decided he could only be spider man and wouldn't have it any other way)

Amber- Barbie and the 3 Musketeer ( her and her aunt Jessica love this show and decided they needed to be them so they were the 2 musketeers :) )