Living my own worst nightmare!

For those of you that didn't know at the end of June we found out we were expecting our 4th! We went to the doctor and found out we were due March 1st, 2010. Everything was going great and normal as my pregnancies go. Morning sickness kicked in and then I started feeling lots better. On Friday Sept. 17th I expected that I had some sort of bladder infection or something of the sort, so I called the Dr. and he had me come in so we could get it taken care of before the weekend. I did all the normal stuff when you get there, checked in, got my weight checked, blood pressure, temp. taken, then waited for the Dr. to get in the room and tell me what kind of infection I had. He came in and looked over my charts and tells me I definitely have a UTI and wrote out a prescription for it. Then he has me lay on the table so we could listen to the babies heart beat. He puts all the goop on my belly and starts searching for the little sound i just longed to hear at that moment, nothing beats that sound when you are 16weeks and can't really feel the baby yet. That is when my nightmare of a night begins. We searched and searched for it he used 3 different dopplers saying it must just be the doppler or the baby is just a really good hider since we just heard the heart beat just 2 weeks before. After 45 min. of searching I knew something was not right, he called over to the hospital so I could go in for a ultrasound. I call Nic hysterical cause he is at work and I didn't want to do this alone. Off I drive to the hospital crying so I can hardly see the road. I get there and register and finally Nic got there to be with me. We go into get the ultra sound done. I lay down on the table again and as soon as I saw the tiny baby I knew it was not good. There was no heart beat he was measuring at 15 weeks so he had been gone for a week. My Dr. came in to explain what this means. There was no reason for it, nothing they could find on the ultrasound to explain what had happened or why this had happened cause it is not a normal thing to happen being in my second trimester. He says maybe we will get some answers after we deliver. He then tells me I needed to head down to labor and delivery right now and they were going to induce me right then. I was so overwhelmed at this point I couldn't even think. I then proceeded to call my mom and Nic called his. Then we made the long walk down to labor and delivery to do the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life. I in my lovely gown and get all hooked up to an IV. They then come in and tell me everything that is going to happen. My mom and my sister get there and Nic's mom to be with us. They tell me it could take hours since I am totally closed and thick. They took a tiny little pills and put them by my cervix to put me into labor. It all started at 6 pm Friday night and at 2 am on Sat morning our beautiful and perfect tiny little baby boy was born. He was so perfect and there were still no answers to what had happened. They took his tiny little body and weighed him he was 2.8 oz and 5 1/4 inches long. We named him Parker Dell Christensen. The little and most beautiful little thing you would ever see. They bundled him up and handed him to me, we held him for a while then they took his tiny little body down to make some little plaster casts of his feet and hands for us then they took him down to the morg.Where the mortuary picked him up the next morning for us. We are going to bury him with my grandma so that his little body is not alone here on this earth. This is my worst nightmare coming true I have always said I never want to have to bury one of my kids and now I am going through it and it is the hardest thing I have ever done or been through. And I would not wish this upon anyone. I don't know what I would do with out the gospel in my life! I am so truly grateful that he his mine and will always be mine even though he is not here on the earth with us! I am sorry if this post is to graphic but I needed to get all these thoughts out of my head before I explode. I know it is going to take time and lots of it but I know I can get through this and since there are no medical reasons for why this happened I know it happened because our father in heaven had far better plans for him up in heaven and he was just so perfect that he just needed to come down here for a short while to get his body. I am so excited for the day when I get to meet my little Parker again! Thank You for everyone that has been praying for our family they are so much appreciated at this time and I can use all them I can get right now.
Nichole